toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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