I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
50% drunk capacity currently
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're too hungover to prance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
