im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
