you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
