her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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