I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
