get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
