I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's blow job season.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
