Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
