Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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