No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
