I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so let's talk penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
