we have pet lesbian snakes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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