ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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