Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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