Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
