When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
