I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
