are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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