It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm getting married
To pizza
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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