Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
