Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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