jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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