I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
