she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Even my vagina gasped.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
