I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
