win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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