My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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