When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
