He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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