Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
