Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
