Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.

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  (913): Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it. http://tfl.nu/o6yg
  Replies (16) Good night (3386) Bad night (1006)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

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  (804): If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night.. http://tfl.nu/3lun
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (3589)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived

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  (215): just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived http://tfl.nu/hxwe
  Replies (31) Good night (5335) Bad night (696)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.

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  (306): No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes. http://tfl.nu/ocj3
  Replies (23) Good night (5611) Bad night (3264)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

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  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4980) Bad night (874)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.

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  (954): Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it. http://tfl.nu/slzd
  Replies (19) Good night (1547) Bad night (3894)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

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  (843): Who's nuvaring is under my pillow? http://tfl.nu/bq0m
  Replies (7) Good night (617) Bad night (2661)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.

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  (307): The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity. http://tfl.nu/x8mh
  Replies (2) Good night (1202) Bad night (546)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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  (402): Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag. http://tfl.nu/nvod
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (683)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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  (312): Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first http://tfl.nu/6e2a
  Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (1038)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.

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  (612): I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot. http://tfl.nu/caxg
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (462)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.

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  (813): I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/rba0
  Replies (3) Good night (2233) Bad night (487)
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  (805): View more from California

  We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"

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  (805): We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?" http://tfl.nu/3rqz
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (454)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good

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  (508): Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good http://tfl.nu/obpt
  Replies (10) Good night (821) Bad night (354)
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  (707): View more from California

  You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.

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  (707): You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks. http://tfl.nu/val7
  Replies (2) Good night (223) Bad night (449)

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