dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.