did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.