is your mom at the bar?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus