Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
where does the pee come out of this thing
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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