did you get engaged???
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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