plz talk dirty to me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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