i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
