Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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