I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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