Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want a musical about memes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
