Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
