And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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