I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
