The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
