hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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