My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
