I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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