all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
