If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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