When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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