i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
