that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize