This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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