I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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