She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?