Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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