My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
