Just cropdusted the office
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
