Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
