Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
