I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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