WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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