Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
