Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
