i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
