conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize