The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize