So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
