I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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