k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize