I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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