he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
