M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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